Your big beautiful beefy bulwark of badass.

Tirion Fordring is the Marlin Perkins of Icecrown.

(Disclaimer:  The following post is brought to you by Linedan’s player being in a very strange mood. You have been warned.)

For you young people who never had the privilege of knowing who he was, Marlin Perkins was the host of the long-running nature show Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom for over twenty years (1963-1985).  Aside from being one of the pioneers of the nature-show format, Wild Kingdom was semi-famous for having good ol’ Marlin sit back and narrate while his poor long-suffering sidekick–professional zoologist and dangerous animal target Jim Fowler–actually had to go out and do the real hands-on work.  Typically Marlin would be chillin’ like a villain either back at the base camp with the native girls or, more likely, back in some studio somewhere recording voiceovers like “Here’s Jim giving the angry musk ox a hernia exam while I’m at the hotel watching Spectravision and making travel reservations for our flight home.  Don’t forget the latex glove, Jim!”  Jim was a stud.  Basically, Jim was Bear Grylls when Bear Grylls was still wearing diapers.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I submit to you that Tirion Fordring is our Marlin Perkins.

Think about it.  Here’s Tirion, old veteran undead-wrangler, rebuilder of the Silver Hand, co-founder of the Argent Crusade and the Ashen Verdict (because we obviously needed yet another rep grind).  Compare that to Marlin, who was a respected zoologist and zoo curator for decades before he walked in front of a TV camera.  They’ve both been there, done that, and honestly, have probably earned the right to take a bit of a break from the front lines of either cleaving Scourge in twain or attempting to radio-collar a pissed-off grizzly.  (At least Marlin never had to stand in the same big round room all the time and listen to Garrosh Hellscream and Varian Wrynn neener at each other.)

But really, here’s the analogy.  Marlin always sent Jim out into the bush to do the dirty work while he sat back, right?  So does Tirion.  You walk into Icecrown Citadel, and there’s Tirion hanging out with High Badass Saurfang.  We get a brief glimpse that Bolvar Fordragon may not, in fact, be beyond saving, and Saurfang hauls ass for the Orgrim’s Hammer because hey, if Bolvar’s not dead, then maybe there’s a chance to get Wrynn and Garrosh to quit slapfighting long enough to actually do something about the Scourge.

At which point, Tirion says something like this.  I tuned out for part of it, but this is what I heard:

“Blah.  Blah blah heroes blah blah Arthas blah final battle blah blah justice blah blah shining suns blah blah Verdict blah.  Now let’s watch our heroes get overwhelmed by trash skeletons and sliced and diced by Lord Marrowgar, while I’m back here at base camp in the hot tub learning the finer points of the Pandaren tea ceremony from Lady Proudmoore.”

Or back at the Crusader’s Coliseum:

“Blah blah working together blah challenge blah worthy blah 15 badges of Triumph blah blah.  Now let’s watch our heroes save us from trifling idiot gnomes ‘working of their own volition’ (insert fingerquotes here) while I’m behind the screen discussing the finer points of Enlightenment philosophy with Argent Confessor Paletress.”

So there you have it.  Tirion Fordring is WoW’s version of Marlin Perkins.  Discuss!

10 responses

  1. Nochecazador


    December 16, 2009 at 14:02

  2. Perfect analogy!

    December 16, 2009 at 14:02

  3. Juzaba

    Paletress is hotter than Jaina.

    There, I said it. Jaina’s model looks frumpy, and the best she can do is freeze me in a huge block of ice to cool off. Paletress can summon her own threesome.

    If I were Fordring, the choice would be supremely obvious.

    December 16, 2009 at 14:33

  4. *psst* Yo, Jaina … I’ll give you the key to Thrall’s chamber if you let me take your place in that hot tub. Thanks, girlfriend. 😉

    on a serious note, i wish, JUST ONCE, that my group would hold off on the whole killing trash stuff so i could pay attention to the whole opening speech thing. :\

    December 16, 2009 at 15:21

  5. Tirion just heeds the smoking jacket and a scotch and he have down cold.

    December 16, 2009 at 18:45

  6. Yesterday when I was in ICC I diligently took a screen shot every time Tirion or Arthas said something. I fully intend to transcribe all of that and post is on wowwiki, since last I checked they didn’t have it up there yet.

    As far as comparing ICC to TOC I’ve gotta say that ICC is so much better already. Whenever I was in TOC I kept waiting for Varian to finally snap from Post Traumatic Stress disorder. Both Thrall and Varian were slave gladiators and TOC had to have been giving them both bad flashbacks. Well, maybe not Thrall, since he’s had time and maturity to deal with those experiences. But Varian for sure was reacting badly to an arena, and Garrosh setting him off was not making it better. Anyway ICC is much better.

    December 16, 2009 at 19:53

  7. No way. Tirion is TOTALLY Hugh Hefner. True story.

    December 17, 2009 at 04:45

  8. That was great! Thanks for the laughs.

    December 17, 2009 at 19:42

  9. lol I use to watch that show when I was a kid, nice reference there by the way. Just sit back, relax, narate and let others take all the damage for ya.

    World of your source or all things WOW

    December 23, 2009 at 01:58

  10. “maybe there’s a chance to get Wrynn and Garrosh to quit slapfighting long enough to actually do something about the Scourge.”

    HAHAHA! This post was pure win. I just found it, but this gave me a good laugh!

    March 1, 2010 at 15:22

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